Belonging
I've always wanted to belong. Maybe I've never said anything, but one thing I know is that I've never wanted people to know that I'm an outsider. It's not that I'm afraid of feeling left out. I'm OK being by myself and doing things on my own. It's just that when I'm around a group of people, I'd rather be "in" than "out".Lately I've been finding myself in more situations where I feel like I belong. Most recently, my wife and I went with a group of friends on a weekend snowshoeing adventure to Vagabond Ranch. This required a drive deep into the Colorado Rockies and a 3.6 mile hike/ski/snowshoe up to the cabin where we spent the weekend. We knew a few of the people who were on the trip, but we were just meeting a few of the others for the first time. Fortunately, we all got along great and had a wonderful weekend.
It would have been very easy to spend a weekend with 11 people and form little cliques. Instead, we all sat around and talked like we'd known each other for a lot longer than 24 hours. Some of us were avid hikers while some were skiers. Some of us were photographers while others were just married to photographers. Regardless, we all found something to talk about. By the end of the trip, we all belonged. No one was an outcast or an outsider. It felt great.
Thinking back, I've always wanted to belong. As far back as I can remember, I've tried to get along with everyone. Although I was a self-proclaimed band-geek (12 years of saxophone!), I always got along with the jocks, the preps, the gangsters and the nerds (and almost any other middle or high-school cliche group you can think of). If I couldn't get along with someone it really bothered me.
Whenever we went out of town, I always felt my confidence slip a little. When you're in school, you get to know people and build up relationships over the years. As much as I might be able to identify with a city or a local group of people, I could never be one of them. Regardless, I'd do my best to not be a tourist and try to fit in. To this day, I still have a hard time pulling out a map in public and asking for directions (thank you smart phones with GPS!). Although I know I'll never see the people again, I hate letting people know that I'm not a local.
Recently I've been getting involved in more and more groups and organizations that make me feel like I belong. CRAVE Denver is a great example. From my first social event, I've been treated like one of the ladies (it's a group for women business owners). A while back I went to a Colorado Women's Chamber of Commerce luncheon and, once again, I was warmly welcomed by everyone I met and felt a sense of belonging.
It's not that I want to be like Norm from Cheers. I'm happy to go someplace where not everybody knows my name. It's just nice to know that there are places where people do know my name and are happy to see me when I stop by.
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ReplyDeleteThis was an interesting read. I honestly would never have gathered that about you. You seem to me to be someone who can fit in just about anywhere. I have to say that I'm very much on the same page with you on this though, but in my case it stems a lot from growing up and really being an outcast. Some people think I'm kidding when I tell them that I won the 'Miss Invisible' award at the end of high school. I spent my last couple of years of school rarely speaking, keeping my head down, and spending my lunch breaks sitting in the computer room playing around in Photoshop, making photo manips, and designing webpages for myself.